The paradox of dating tech & human authenticity
It’s always fascinating talking with Sexuality and Relationship expert Kaamna Bhojwani, and it was great to welcome her back in our 12th episode (you may recall that I first interviewed Kaamna in our very first episode). She’s smart, funny, real, and very knowledgeable in the emerging field of digital sexuality, which is growing rapidly post-Covid and concurrently with the rise of AI.
We talked about dating apps, which are the unequivocal go-to for anyone getting back out there these days, and of which there are now 1500+ globally, according to Kaamna! When it comes to how you present yourself on the apps, Kaamna preaches the need for authenticity. If you showcase a hobby in one of your pictures, it should be because it’s part of who you are and who you want to be appreciated for being. If you’re just looking for something casual, be upfront about that. Every pot has a lid and pretty much anything goes in the brave new world of dating apps, so if you’re straightforward, you’re sure to find someone who will accept you for who you are.
Interestingly, the second hot topic of discussion was the emergence of AI bots that offer banter, flirting, and a relationship that never goes south. The red flags inherent in such services are obvious, but Kaamna insists that for some people these bots are a lifeline for dating at midlife, because they’re a safe way to take risks and interact again.
For all the new technology today that is impacting relationships at midlife, we kept coming back to the fundamental need for even greater self-awareness and authenticity. If we want to come out of a difficult midlife break-up or divorce as a better and more evolved version of ourselves, we have to be able to self reflect and understand ourselves. What did we learn from our last relationship? What are our new non-negotiables? And by non-negotiables we’re not talking about those qualities we seek in a new partner, but rather, our own needs that we must ensure will be supported by our new partner. To quote Kaamna, we should seek “a partner who wants for us what we want for ourselves”.
5 takeaways from the episode:
1. Embrace Self-Reflection. Before jumping back into dating, take time for introspection. Explore your role in the previous relationship's end, identify patterns you want to change, and rediscover your non-negotiables.
2. Authenticity is Key. Present yourself honestly and avoid portraying an image you think others will find more appealing. Authenticity fosters deeper connections and saves everyone from potential hurt and disappointment.
3. Explore the Evolving Dating Landscape. With the rise of technology, dating apps and AI tools are now integral parts of the process. Explore AI tools to improve your profile or even practice conversation skills.
4. Redefine "Family Readiness". Be sensitive to your children's emotions and introduce a new partner only when the relationship is serious. Open communication and prioritizing your children's well-being are crucial.
5. See Divorce as an Opportunity. Embrace this opportunity to redefine yourself and seek a partner who supports your journey and wants for you what you want for yourself.
Jon
