Mental & Emotional Health is 51% of the Battle
Jon and Owen Marcus, MELD Founder
watch & LISTEN ON: spotify, apple podcasts, youtube
In all the interviews I’ve done thus far for our Season One, by far the biggest theme from our experts is the importance of Mental & Emotional Health for men going through Separation & Divorce.
This is counterintuitive for many men. Why? Because most guys lean on what they know best when they’re under stress - going into action, making a list, working the phones, DOING. This is all important to get organized to effectively navigate Separation & Divorce – but without a solid mental & emotional health foundation, it’ll be much more painful.
For some time I’ve hosted a regular Zoom group meeting of guys in various stages of separation & divorce. The conversations are often about tactics – Referrals for lawyers, or therapists, or divorce coaches, etc. But as the guys get to know each other and develop a comfort level, the conversations turn to the emotional experiences of the men. There is venting, there are stories, there’s sometimes finger pointing at their spouse (“why has she gone crazy”?) – but when these conversations are most helpful the community of men on the call are simply witnessing the emotional experience of the others, hearing them and validating that they’ve gone through something similar, and that it’s normal to feel the way they do. That they’re not alone. And that things will indeed get better.
To be specific, there are different aspects of Mental & Emotional health at work here:
– Understanding the way negative emotion & anger builds up in the body without proper practices: Please watch our episode with Owen Marcus to understand how to release this emotional energy
– Developing a community of support for yourself: Identify a few men (or women) in your life you can talk to and get support from on a regular basis (your advocates)
– Lean into your own vulnerability instead of sucking it up and putting on a brave face: Watch our episode with BJ Wasserman who talks about how to show up as a good dad during Separation & Divorce, which requires accessing our authenticity and vulnerability to connect with our kids
We can’t control our external surroundings - people, circumstances, lawyers, you name it. However, we do have control over our own physical bodies and mental & emotional life. We can choose to fortify ourselves during times of stress with positive practices and most importantly by building a circle of support.
